..... is a very special day for me.

Tomorrow I shall wake (or rather be woken) by a very excited new five-year old. She wants presents, parties, cake, fuss and hurly-burly. Tomorrow is her princess day and Dad and I will be just mere accessories to her fun.

So I have my private celebration all to myself on the night of February 16th - the last night I went to sleep as a childless woman. This time five years ago I didn't yet know that I was within 26 hours of becoming a mother. I was hoping and praying that it would be soon, as she was already late, being due on Valentine's Day, but I was getting ready to wait another week or more as she showed no signs of coming.

It was the last true peace and quiet of my life, before I stepped over the threshold into motherhood and found my true self. I had no idea from that side of the divide exactly how much joy and inner peace Anne-Sophie, and later her brother would bring to my life and to my relationship with their dad.

I look at the new buds of spring at this time of year with much more attention than I used to. Anne-Sophie chose to join us on earth just at that crucial point in 2003 - when I went into hospital it was still winter - when I came out six days later spring had broken out all over. Now I see a very smart sassy young girl, and I marvel at what can happen in five very short years.

I realise I'm ranting - trying to share a very personal private thing - a wonderful emotion. Maybe I shouldn't try to put words to it - maybe I should just sit quietly and experience it. But I shall take my moment of quietness, my small private celebration, and let it carry me with a secret smile through the chaos of a small child's birthday party. She will have her day of being cherished, of awe and wonder, and I shall continue to marvel at how God and DH and me managed to create such a perfect creature....